For most of my adult life I've fantasized about being chased by cops. Thinking of places to head for, imagining the drifting and turning. I'm sure most men think about it from time to time after playing GTA or watching an episode of Cops. At a few stages in my early 20's it could have actualized, but mid-30's it's just a distant dream I ponder from time to time. Until tonight. A much tamer version of a police chase, but it's the closest I'll get to the real thing regardless.
I had no real good reason to elude the police tonight. No drugs in the car, hadn't had anything to drink at all. I was eagerly heading home from the gym so I could watch the season premier of Billions and Impractical Jokers. I'm not certain if I was speeding though, it was a 40km/hr zone that used to be 50km/hr zone. I could have easily been going 15km over the limit and I probably was. On top of that I had a phone in my hand, fast forwarding through the boring part of a podcast. My eyes were on the road, but at night all anyone else can see is the cab of my truck lit up like a movie theater.
It was a 2 way road, split by a median and I was the only vehicle in the westbound lane. Before I could hit the power button on my phone and tap on the brakes a police cruiser heading towards me in the opposite direction passes by. I pray that he doesn't notice the sole, lit up cab of a speeding truck going by him. Then I see the road turn red. Cop brake light red. Shit. Is he slowing down to take the curve ahead? Nope. He's slowing down to make an illegal U-turn and start driving behind me. Fuck.
At this point I really only have 2 options. Option 1: Continue driving home and hope that a double homicide was just called in and he has to race to the crime scene. Option 2: Make a run for it. I'll point out now that I've had a handful of speeding tickets in the last year, not sure exactly how many demerits I have, but if I get hit with distracted driving and speeding there's a good chance my wife will be opening a caution letter in the not so distant future. I run.
Luckily enough for me, there was a left turn about 20 yards ahead and it's a road I lived behind for several years when I moved to this town. Just as the cop is straightening up from his illegal U-turn, I hit the gas and signal left (I'd be ultra fucked if I got a 3rd ticket for not signalling while evading the police). Now, there's quite a bit of snow on the ground here, covering a decent amount of black ice. I didn't slow down to take the turn, I sped up... so naturally I begin to drift. It was a perfect drift too... like an AWD Subaru in a rally type drift. I know that there's a cul-de-sac on the left side immediately after the first turn, so as I begin to straighten out from the first drift, I begin the next one. Nailed it. In one motion a flawless 180 drift straight into the cul-de-sac.
At this point the cop must be getting close to where I turned off and he was definitely close enough that he saw me turning off the main road. So I need to park somewhere fast. I pick the closest driveway in front of a house that has no lights on and no vehicles in front of, then I quickly turn off the ignition and duck down a bit. I'm anxiously waiting to see if the cop took the turn... wondering how pissed he'd be if he caught me trying to ditch him. Do I get an extra ticket for evading if his lights aren't on? I don't live in this house, so do I get in extra shit? I'm shitting my pants at this point... I glance out my window to see headlights approaching the turnoff to the cul-de-sac. Goddamit. It's him. Please don't look, please don't turn. He's crawling up to the intersection, obviously looking around to see if he can spot me. "Keep moving asshole, keep moving" I whisper to myself. And he does. Phew. Adrenaline is pumping for sure and I'm so fucking relieved to see him pass by.
I know at this point he's going to be driving around the area looking for me, so I wait a minute and drive back the way I came just in case he decides to pop out on the other end of the road. No sign of him at all, take the back roads home. Phew.
I know it's not the craziest car chase or anything, but fuck if it wasn't exciting to get away.