How do I Hate thee... Let me count the ways...
Long story shortened to spare the uninitiated...
So teh ole lady (skilled in the ways of scrotal manipulations like you wouldn't believe if I told you) wants to go on a walk in the State Park "hiker's loop" last Sat. afternoon. I says "sure sweeties" (planning for the evening's events) and drive her and the pooch out to the local. "We" decide on the 'long' hike and proceed with a pleasant 2 1/2 mile walk through the hiking trail (cut by a brush hog at least 3 weeks ago) and make it back in good shape. The dog had a harder time than I did (teh truth). So, on the 15 minute trip back to the hut in town, the wifey's just all so happy, teh poochy is in the back of the truck all worn out and I'm thinking boy is this going to be just spinarky tonight wif teh wifey. Well...
I completely forget about the bane of the mid-central U.S.A. (called chiggers) during the prime time of their miserable little existence in the Summer months and offer the shower to teh fairer sex soon after we get back to the hut. She (teh smurty one) takes a long hot shower while the old boy crashes for an hour or so in the Lazy-Boy. She fixes dinner, I am thinking... I'll shower in the morning and all will be good... Well, guess who feasted on me during Saturday night, yep.. those GD chiggers. I woke up at 2 am itching my arse off from ankle to belt line.
I have never felt so stoopid in my life. OMG such a farkin' NEWBIE Hiker with no nookie to boot!!!
P.S. -
One quick cure for the crazy ithches = 6 oz. of Scotch + a good cup of coffee somewhere in between. Honestly, you can No Longer feel the itch of those microscopic bastards.
- DC (alias dumbass)