salt cod. :(
take a piece of fish, when it's fresh, and completely murder it with salt. pound that shit in there. then let it dry up, with the salt. So you have a big white slab of fucking salt with some fish in it. Then it will keep for decades, and when you want to eat the shit, you soak it in water for a few days to "get rid of the salt"
except it still tastes like your eating fishy salt.
FUCKING NEWFIES!